new beginnings
25.05.2026
Aller Anfang ist schwer, that’s what they always say.
What they forgot to mention was, that the Anfang can also seem very exciting and intriguing.
So like Icarus you fly too close to the sun and don’t understand your code anymore.
Meaning that sometimes the keeping going part is the one that is the hardest.
Luckily I’m not a character in greek mythology but a girl in Uni who
is doing this for the first time and can have a second try at Anfang.
So of course the first thing I did was step back and touched some normal
grass before going back to the digital one. And by touching grass I mean
going to Berlin with my friends where we got sprayed with tear gas by a
stranger and afterwards renting a boat and going on excursion in Lyon with
my lovely fellow students and going to Epplesee and doing sleepovers and seeing
old friends and not doing anything.
Now the beginning isn’t as horrible anymore.
When your skill is behind your vision
04.06.2026
Something I’m finding really hard recently is not being able to physically
catch up with my taste and the things I would like to make.
I’m very aware that I’m still very much in the beginning of my studies and that
I will grow and acquire new skillsets and develop an eye and a better feeling for
what works and what does not. But that doesn’t make it less frustrating when you
know what you want but are not yet able to realise it in a way that is fulfilling.
It makes you start to question yourself, when in reality you (or let’s be honest I’m)
just gaslighting myself. So the lesson learned here I guess is to be patient with yourself.
You’ll catch up to yourself eventually.
I wan't to stop whining
07.06.2026
When I think about what to write on here I can’t really think about anything
other than complaining about how overwhelmed I am and that everything is scary
but will probably be fine in the end. This week was exactly like that, so instead of
pitying myself I wanted to talk about thoughts and ideas I had. Problem is that
I have 4/5 active Notebooks, a laptop and a phone in wich I write and always just
grab the one closest to me, meaning that when I’m looking for something, it’s hard to find.
Wow how quirky of me.
Anyways I’m getting back in the groove of building this site and it has been really fun.
I feel less pressure and I’m having fun experimenting. I tried out transparent backgrounds
and images as borders and on and on. None of wich really worked the ways I wanted as you can
see that you can’t see any of that but it was really fun trying anyways. I also added a new drawing
(wich is a big thing for me because it takes a lot for me to start drawing again).
PS: Is there a different word to describe something as fun other than the word fun — if so pls let me know, thanks Xx.
Take a chill pill
15.06.2026
The other day I had a small tiny breakdown infront of my sister, telling her how
overwhelmed I am in gerneral but also with uni and her answer was:
"What are they gonna do? Kill you?"
Wich really made me think, because I guess they will not in fact kill me.
Especially, when i don't deliver to an expectation I set for myself.
It seems that I always get really frustrated and hopeless at first and then just figure it out all of a sudden.
Like last session we had to create a cute little website containing ASCII art and a story, but I was a bit stuck.
I got really frustrated and couldn't get myself out of it only to quickly have a cute small Idea once I was home.
All that drama in my head for nothing.
If your stuck, it's okay. Take a Chill Pill and go see two of your bestfriends on the weekend.
And then try again. They are legally not allowed to kill you!
blop... zzzzzzz
28.06.2026
I don’t have to tell you… it’s hot. My brain is mush and yours probably too.
The annoying part about it is not being able to rest, ever, because your body is
constantly fighting to not melt and stick to the hot asphalt or drown in the
amount of sweat you're producing on your own mattress. I’m very anxious about it,
because I can barely handle it and I’m young, healthy and housed. I can afford
to buy a ventilator.
This is Germany. It was never supposed to be this hot here.
Of course you already know that because nothing ever has been this aggressively obvious.
There are also so many other things to talk about and write and tell. Things that happened,
that were fun or scary but I can’t think and my vision is blurred from sweat stains and sunscreen.
Take care of yourself, drink water and maybe go to IKEA or something. I heard they have air conditioning.
it’s getting serious now!
05.07.2026
Preparations for Rundgang have started and you can sense that everyone is
starting to feel a change in air and atmosphere. I’m excited and pissing myself
at the same time.
This week I redid my Website and took new videos and finalised
my vision. I’m doing a small click adventure inspired by time and trains (how fun).
I also started a new hobby wich has helped me cope and distract myself from everything
that has been going on.
2 Weeks to go :0
I’m done??????
12.07.2026
I have finished all my projects and I actually can’t believe it. I have been
excessively breathing hfg air for to long now and it’s time for a break!!!
This week I had to use javascript for my final project and I feel like a magician.
But that was the last big challenge to complete it. Next week I’ll have the
presentation and it will be the official Rundgang opening (my first 😛). Though
it’s not officially over yet, I’m immensely proud of myself and my friends and
fellow students. I’m still shocked that all of us are done now and all that is
left to do is finishing the exhibition. Gulp
thanks
19.07.2026
It’s over
We survived and it’s time for semester break. The preparations for Rundgang were
extremely chaotic and stressful but we did it. I had visitors and showed them
everything we and the other students did. I think we can be proud of ourselves and move on
to the next chapter… after an a long break of not doing anything of course.
I’m very happy and thankful about this experience and I’m sooooo happy with what
my website turned out to be. Of course it’s not perfect and there are a few
mistakes that I couldn’t fix in the end but I am still pleased with the result.
I can now say that I can hand code 😌 (even if it is on a very basic level).
I’m grateful for the guidance I had along the way and the support of the other Erstis.
This wasn’t easy but fun and I feel like I have become way more confident in my design abilities.
Trust the process future Santina
